I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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