I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
