After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
