sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
