Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
