my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
