exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
