John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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