smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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