porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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