That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
