Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
