thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
