we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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