It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
