On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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