I heard we made out
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
