I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
