Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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