Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's blow job season.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
