I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
