so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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