I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
