stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
