dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
