hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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