It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
