Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
