last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I came so hard my ears popped.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
