Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
