i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
