oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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