I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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