i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
