Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dear god my vagina.
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