my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
