I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
