the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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