I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
