i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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