i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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