My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
