3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
