need another drink. this is the easiest way
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
