I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
should my penis look like a turkey
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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