i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
