I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
