can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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