everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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