she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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