You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
