I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
