If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
