soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
