i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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