at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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