Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize