So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
