if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
