I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize