Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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