How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
