i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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