im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
