apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
